Being a manager is tough. Every employee is different and the same words coming out of your mouth can be motivating to one worker and demotivating to another. But here's a handful of things managers either say directly or indirectly through their actions that are always demotivating (and, I confess, I may have said or done these myself at one time or another):
1. "Customer is always right" A customer calls and accuses an employee of something heinous (theft, rudeness, etc.). Manager confronts the employee and starts ripping into him or her based on the call. Guilty by accusation. Unfortunately, sometimes when the manager gets around to conducting an investigation, it turns out the customer was mistaken (or had a hidden agenda). Managers should give their employee the benefit of the doubt. The employee will understand that you must follow-up on customer complaints, but they'll appreciate being treated as innocent until proven guilty - so ask about the situation, speak to all those who might be in the know about what happened, and listen before passing judgement. If the employee is guilty of poor communication, use the incident as a development opportunity. If they're guilty of theft, violence or threats of bodily harm - get them out of your organization. If the customer intentionally mislead you - fire the customer.
2. "I'm too busy" A retired banking exec once told me the best piece of feedback he received from his employees was that he tended to continue to hold his pen over his notepad when people came to his door, and they interpreted that posture to mean they were interrupting him from his important work and they needed to hurry up. Modern variations of this you're less important than other stuff I have going includes keeping your hands on your keyboard when someone stops to ask you a question, or peeking at your monitor or phone while one of your workers is speaking with you. If you are a manager, there is little that is more important than your team members, so when they come to see you, put your pen down, close your laptop, put your phone to the side and listen. If you do have a time-sensitive deadline, politely negotiate an alternative time for them to return when you can give them your full attention.
3. "...but..." Managers were promoted into management roles because they know how to add value to an organization. They leverage the work of others so that the team is greater than the sum of its parts. But this positive can become a negative when giving performance feedback or responding to employees when they offer suggestions or have ideas. Great idea, Bob, but have you considered... or Nice job on the Jones account, but you should have... Remember, everything after the "but" is generally demotivating. Learn to finish your statements with a period, not a comma and a but, except in those few situations where it is really warranted. You don't have to add value to everything!
4. "I don't give 5s" Early in my career I had the I don't give 5s manager. We had a review form where we were rated on a scale of 1-5, but my manager made it clear that no one was a 5. My thoughts are the same now as they were then: 6, 7, and 8 are unachievable scores because they're not on the form - if 5 is also not achievable, let's go to a 4 point scale!
First of all, if you're still rating employees' behaviors or attributes on a performance review form, you're performance management system is probably broken. My meaningful behavior and performance changes occurred when I was coached in the moment by someone I trusted, not in an annual meeting.
But that aside, if you're evaluating them against an unachievable standard, it's going to be tough to motivate. Can you imagine Bill Belichik (head coach of the Super Bowl champion Patriots) telling Tom Brady (the quarterback who engineered one of the great comeback wins in history) that he was giving him a 4 on his performance for that game because he threw an interception during the 1st half? Unfortunately, managers do that kind of stuff all the time.
5. "You'll gain valuable experience" The manager thinks he/she is being motivational - holding out a carrot. What the employee hears is, we want you to do extra work for no additional pay. Unfortunately, managers often forget about how the employee bailed them out once the work is done and the experience never translates into a reward. Make sure rewards are timely - if you ask someone to do extra work, make sure they get some kind of reinforcement for their discretionary effort soon after they gave it. The promise that their discretionary effort has not gone unnoticed may not be enough to ensure they continue to give it.
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